Parent Enmeshment Screening Test

Parental and Family Enmeshment Assessment

Read each of the following statements. Think back to how you felt as a child as opposed to how you may feel now. Please check all that apply to you:

1.     I was an emotional support person for one or both of my parents

2.     I was treated as “special” or rewarded for giving up my own needs to serve a parent’s needs.

3.     A parent shared information that should have been shared with another adult with me.

4.     I was “best friends” with a parent.

5.     One of my parents showed me favoritism and shared in confidence that I was their favorite, most talented or most lovable child.

6.     Potential romantic partners were never good enough for one of my parents.

7.     I felt guilt when I spent time away from the home or from one of my parents.

8.     A parent preferred my company to the company of their spouse.

9.     A parent used me as their support person when my parents divorced.

10.  I sensed one parent did not want me to marry or move far away from home.

11.  A parent violated my privacy or made inappropriate sexual remarks.

12.  My parents were divorced separated widowed or didn’t get along with each other.

13.  One of my parents had mental health issues or often seemed angry, lonely, or depressed.

14.  One of my parents did not have a lot of friends or outside adult support.

15.  One or both of my parents had a drug or drinking problem.

16.  I felt I had to put my needs aside to protect a parent.

17.  A parent turned to me for comfort or advice.

18.  I sometimes wanted to hide from a parent.

19.  I had fantasies of running away or getting out of the family home.

20.  I felt responsible for my parent’s happiness.

21.  One or both parents seemed to rely on me more heavily than my siblings.

22.  My parents disagreed about parenting issues.

23.  My needs were often ignored or neglected.

24.  There was a great degree of conflict between me and my parent.

25.  I was called hurtful names by a parent.

26.  I at times felt overwhelmed or smothered by a parent.

27.  One of my parents was highly critical of me.

28.  It was a relief to get away from the home.

29.  I often felt or wondered if my family was more emotionally intense than others.  

Do you have 10 or more checks spread out among the three sections? If so, it is likely that some degree of enmeshment occurred. Enmeshment looks different in several ways. Some individuals may have been enmeshed with a Romanticizing or Sexualizing parent. If more abusive and critical incidents occurred in your childhood, you might have been enmeshed with a Critical/Abusive Parent. Sometimes we have one parent who adores us while the other may abuse us. Each scenario creates environments in which enmeshment with the parental figure occurs leaving the child susceptible to intimacy disorders.